HI! ^^ how are you all? First i want to apologize for the fact that i haven't been writing fics lately. i just don't either have the time or drive to do it. but i will finish them before if i ever decide to close my livejournal account. (which is probably never...xD) Lately my posts have been faith based and i truly feel that it's important to write about these feelings in a personal manner where i know many won't find it, but if you do find it, please read with an open heart. but on to today's post.
I have always believed that God uses the things in your life; whether you hate them or love them; in order to make you better either physically, mentally, or emotionally. Sometimes he helps us financially, socially, and so on and so forth. Basically a better person because he provides for what you need.
As you all know I really like Japanese music, and I really love the group Arashi since i post and write about them all the time. Tuesday night to Wednesday, somehow i was really sad. I was upset and sad as i started worrying and thinking about my future, my education, my dream job, family, friends, and especially my own well being emotionally, physically and mentally. Ever since school started i felt this overwhelming sensation and somehow fell in a dark place. I think it must have accumulated over the days that i've been attending school, but anyways, I love arashi. I really do and they are important people in my life despite knowing they they probably don't know that i exist or something lol.
As i was feeling all those negative emotions, i had a strong need to listen to their new album that was just released called Love. I remember feeling the aching in my heart and something telling me to listen to the album. So i did; i downloaded the album since mine haven't arrived and played the first track. The first track was called Ai wo Uta (Let's Sing About Love). This song is a really powerful song. It's about how the love of a person can keep one going with courage and hope. I started feeling better but i didn't feel fully happy. That upset feeling still lingered. In the song, there was a part of the song where it was a rapping portion of the song. the very last verse that said:
「You're my 道を照らす灯台」
"You're my lighthouse that shines on my path."
This verse was written and sung by a member of the group name Sakurai Sho; a man who i revered in an academic sense as a college student trying to finish her studies. As soon as i heard that verse, i broke down crying because it made me remember that I was loved by the greatest and most powerful being out there who's love is unconditional, never ending, constant, and never changing. Who loved humanity so much that he would send his only son Jesus down to take up the cross. At that moment sitting there on my bed crying out to Him, I heard God say to me:
"My child, remember that i will always love you and will always be with you where ever you go in life. There is no need to worry because you have me that will make all impossible things possible. I will turn your broken pieces into something beautiful."
I cried some more afterwards playing this song a few more times, because that song was just so powerful. It was the first time ever that I have ever cried because of an Arashi song. Being a fan for 4-5 years now, this have never happened to me. It proves these 5 people who i hold important in my life is not only great people, but God can use the things we love to glorify and remember Him in ways unimaginable. This song wasn't even written for God, yet it spoke of love, and the first love that have ever truly made me feel happy and free was God's love for me. He gives me courage, hope and he is the lighthouse that shines on my path.
I remember back during my youth fasting i have asked for a certain prayer that i stay true to myself and know that my identity is in Christ alone. since the beginning of the semester, i think i may have been pushing that aside and may have immersed myself in something else that i claimed as my identity for a while.
That weekend, i attended a women of faith conference with my sisters and it was an amazing. It was uplifting, empowering, and inspiring. i learned how to be a wise woman, how Jesus will come find me in the hurricane, how my reality is that Jesus is my identity, and not the circumstances that i’m in. How God can multiply what we recognize and so much more! I truly met God there those two days. it was such a great experience that i would want to go again.
During that event i asked God if this was what he wanted to show me when i asked for prayer that day. I knew the answer was yes because I truly felt his love for me. That tuesday to wednesday night and friday to saturday; i felt his presence in me that was so strong. Being one who plays by the rules a lot; my heart was moved to go ahead and not wait. he moved me to listen to that wonderful song by 5 men who i adore so much just to have me understand at that He loves me and i didn’t need to worry. I am a broken person, but God turns even the most broken pieces into something beautiful for the world to see. it's that transformation that is the beauty of what i believe. it's that transformation from an old broken soul to a new beautiful one that shines their light upon the world and be the sunshine for those who needs it.
My God is an amazing God. I love him because he loved me first. he uses the things i love and hate all to help me grow my relationship with him.
If you are reading this right now, i pray that if you don't know Jesus Christ, may he move your heart to search for him and let him transform you. Only the love of Christ can fill that empty space in our hearts forever. No one whether family, friend, spouse, or partner can because it is all temporary.
I pray that you may find him today and let him be the lighthouse to light your path.